"What did you say?" How to annoy a mom...

1) Where do you get your energy from? 
Honestly 90% of the time ALL moms are tired, down right exhausted, but we do what we have to. This is the same for moms of 1 or moms of 12, and all those moms in between.

or the opposite

2) You look tired.
Honestly 90% of the time ALL moms are tired, down right exhausted, but we do what we have to. This is the same for moms of 1 or moms of 12, and all those moms in between.


3) Gee, I haven't seen you in a while, you've aged.
Clearly all people have not read the books of manners. It is NEVER okay to point out someone looks older, unless they are five.

4) Do you work?... No like, a real job?
Anything a mom does is work, it takes twenty-five minutes minimum to walk to the bathroom. Some moms work in the house, some moms work outside the home, some for a few hours, some for many hours... regardless of their pay schedule, all moms are on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. THAT is a REAL job.
 

5) You look like such a mom..
This just seems like a slam. Is it the pony tail? The workout clothes? The ratty sneakers? The mini-van? The oatmeal on my shirt? Or the kid who just wiped his nose on my pants? Why must you point out the obvious?

6) Are they all yours?
 It is mind boggling to me why a mom of three would hear this.. But I have. If a circus of small children were following me, I could understand this, but they are not.

7) Wow you have your hands full.
If my children are mouthy, loud, obnoxious, rude or unruly, you can THINK this, THINK it.. In your brain. DO NOT say it! My hands are perfectly fine. My children are wonderful.

8) You look really pretty today.
I know, I know,.. It sounds nice. Its awfully condescending to say "today", how did I look yesterday?

9) Oh, she's crying aren't you going to do something?
Perhaps you didn't see her crying, isn't it obvious that I already DID something. And Don't ask me why she's crying.. perhaps you have not seen the FB posting and blog postings that little ones cry for anything, or nothing... a lot!

10) When are you due?
 Do not ever, ever, ever ask this... Unless I shout "My water broke", first look for a water bottle, THEN assume I am pregnant.

11) Oh just give him some candy... one piece won't hurt
Oh, I am sorry doctor,  didn't see your degrees there. One piece CAN hurt FYI, ever here of anaphylactic shock?

12) Enjoy every moment.. it goes by so fast
Oh, why didn't I think of that?! Actually, some moments stink, if I am being honest... and I will most likely look back on those moments and say "Thank God that's over" and not "Oh how I miss changing diapers and being peed on" or "I really wish someone would wipe their snotty nose on my leg before I run to the store in my ratty sneakers and mini-van"

13)  Are you still breast feeding, co sleeping, rear facing...??? (or any other PARENT choice)
Unless I brought it up, I do NOT want to talk to you about it, strange lady in line at the supermarket...

14) Woah he's huge... shes so thin.... Is that baby healthy?
Seriously? Did I ask you about that double chin you're sporting or the filth under your fingernails? Do not question my child during a growth spurt, or any time for that matter...He is healthy, so is she...let it go.

15) Are you done (having children) yet?
 Oh, sorry, are my happy, well-adjusted, well-cared for children taking up your oxygen? Don't question the growth, or lack their of of my family. WE we stop having children, how and when we choose to.

16) Were they all planned?
 See above... and yes, they were ALL someone's plan. May not have been mine, or my husbands... but somebody's.

17) Are you sure she's allergic? Maybe she just doesn't like it...
Phew! Why didn't I think of that!? Oh Honey, just eat it, even though you are vomiting and its running right through your rear, you are covered in hives and can't breathe, this strange -looking , double-chinned, filthy finger-nailed, doctor lady in the super market line said it was okay...

18) Oh... you home school?
Yup. Yup I do.
That explains it I suppose... My brilliant, well adjusted children who happen to be exceeding all expectations of their peers, and can clearly out perform you ANY day at your mind-numbing mediocre job...